Time and time again, there are several pervasive life patterns that always catch me off guard when they happen.

These two are somewhat interlinked:

1. Things really do happen when you least expect them to
2. Things always come when you don't need or want them, but they are never there when you do.

 

Second post is never as easy.. there are no clear conventions to abide by.

Thus, I will start 'in media res' (yes, Mrs. Wilson, if nothing else, I took this away).

So, if anything, in hard times I always try and remind myself that human emotion can be so fickle as to change by the moment.

Case and point—I begrudgingly approached the day this morning, I entered the afternoon with slight sickness at the the thought of lost and replaced love, I left the work day numb, my bus ride home was uplifted by a simple exchange, my dinner company left my refueled, drunk with false confidence and bedtime leaves me questioning how I really feel (perhaps in avoidance of feeling anything?).

The point of this arduous list is that basically, even if not forever, even if not for more than an hour or a half.. it will be okay at some point. At some point you (I) will smile again, you (I) will feel hope again and you (I) will feel loved again.

These are things that I have to tell myself.. otherwise I'm not sure anything really makes sense.

Fingers crossed that my feigned optimism proves true.

Until tomorrow... a day fueled by possibly progressively more fragmented flickers of emotions.

The conventional introductory post

At my age, in my industry, in this time I'm ashamed to say I don't really know how this works. For the sake and benefit of everybody, I will assume anonymity and free reign to ramble to my hearts desire.

I suppose the first post conventionally begins with an introduction to what these rambles will be all about. The answer is a selfish, self-absorbed one—they will be all about me, my life, my feelings, my thoughts and perhaps occasionally the thoughts of those much smarter and wiser than myself.

A quick brief on who I am today at this very second: A freshly heartbroken 22-year old navigating the terrains of the San Francisco jungle with her face glued to her lowly 5c iPhone and a firm grasp on some local wine for those moments when she just can't take it. She refuses to give up the New Yorker in her and frequently oscillates between her perfectly over-sized glass frames and donning head to toe black and refusing to smile for days. 

This page is for me and I don't expect visitors.. if by some sweeping chance of fate you fall upon my peculiar portal, say hi, despite all other indications, I don't bite.